|"That looks safe, Ed. Now use some to re-attach the differential."|
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Sunday, July 28, 2013
As they did last year, my family has forbidden me from writing regularly on this trip. Something about family time and other stuff.
So I'll be posting stuff here and there and as allowed by my superiors, but not daily.
Regular posting will resume on Monday, August 12th.
Posted by Grumpy, M.D. at 5:43 PM
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Friday, July 26, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."
Miss Luthor: "Hi, I'm so sorry, I have an appointment in 1 hour, and I have to cancel it. I'm really sick today."
Mary: "I'm sorry. Would you like to reschedule?"
Miss Luthor: "Yes. Can I come in next Wednesday, at the same time?"
Mary: "Okay... Wednesday, July 24... Looks good! We'll see you then, and I hope you feel better."
Miss Luthor: "Thank you!"
Wednesday, July 24
Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."
Miss Luthor: "Hi, I'm so sorry, I have an appointment in 30 minutes and I have to cancel it. I can't get a ride today."
Miss Luthor: "I'd like to reschedule to..."
Mary: "I'm sorry, but our office policy is that we don't allow 2 last-minute cancellations."
Miss Luthor: "But I really need to see the doctor! I've heard such good things about him!"
Mary: "I'm sorry, but that's our policy."
Miss Luthor: "Can't you make an exception? I told you! I'm really sick today!"
Mary: "I thought you couldn't get a ride today? You said you were sick last week."
Miss Luthor: "Okay, yes, you're right, I can't get a ride today. And I'm sick too! It's both!"
Mary: "Have a nice day." (hangs up)
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
I mean, let's do the math here. Realistically (unless you're Dougie Houser) if I qualified in neurology in 1930, it means I'd be 109 now. I'm not saying it's impossible, but pretty damn unlikely.
Of course, there are exceptions.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Monday, July 22, 2013
Miss Felid: "Okay... But what about Mr. Fluffles?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, what about him?"
Miss Felid: "Will you take care of him?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Can't your daughter go over to your house?"
Miss Felid: "But he's not there!"
She sets her large purse on the desk, and Mr. Fluffles looks out to see what's going on.
Dr. Grumpy: "Oh! I had no idea you had him here."
Miss Felid: "So can you take care of him?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Why don't I call your daughter?"
Miss Felid: "You've really hurt his feelings."
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Time to hit the mailbag.
The first item is this gadget. In all honesty, I had no idea there was a market (especially in "scenic region") for an explosion-proof telephone
Next is this game, which was seen recently at the store. If your "favourite childhood memories" are from the late 1800's, the odds are your kids won't be impressed with it at this point in their lives.
Here we have a gift bag from a child's sports-themed birthday party. They probably should have folded the left margin a little more carefully.
Here's a product that I had no idea existed. I guess it can be used for cooking, for edible jet engines, and, uh, other practices.
And, lastly is this device. Which sounds like a bad pick-up line.
|"Light & easy to handle." Snicker.|
Friday, July 19, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Dr. Grumpy: "Maybe because it's summer."
Mary: "The phone is barely ringing this afternoon."
Dr. Grumpy: "You should start calling people."
Mary: "Who should I call?"
Dr. Grumpy: "I don't know. Just get out an old phone directory, and start randomly calling people. Tell them they have an appointment tomorrow."
Mary: "Yeah, right. Who's going to believe that?"
Dr. Grumpy: "When they say you have a wrong number, tell them they were referred for memory loss."
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Mr. Wheelchair: "My legs are completely paralyzed! I can't walk!"
Dr. Grumpy: "How long has this been going on?"
Mr. Wheelchair: "2 months, and no one can find a cause for it."
Dr. Grumpy: "Do you..."
(patient's cell phone rings, and he looks at it)
Mr. Wheelchair: "Hang on, doc, I have to take this. Let me step out."
(Gets out of wheelchair, walks out to lobby, mumbles into phone for a minute, hangs up, comes back and sits in wheelchair)
Mr. Wheelchair: "Anyway, they tell me there's nothing wrong with me, and that my tests are normal. It's very frustrating, because I can't move my legs at all, and..."
Monday, July 15, 2013
Friday, July 12, 2013
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Mr. Pest: "So, Mary, can we get together this Saturday?"
Mary: "No, thank you. I have plans."
Mr. Pest: "Come on... we'll have fun."
Mary: "I'm not interested, sir. I have a boyfriend."
Mr. Pest: "You could still go out with me."
Mary: "Okay, how about you and I take a drive over to Southtown this weekend? Could you pick me up?"
Mr. Pest: "Sure, but Southtown? By the prison? That's a terrible area. Why do you want to go there?"
Mary: "My boyfriend needs a ride home. He's being released on parole."
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Nurse Newbie: "Hi, I'm the nurse taking care of Mr. Harry Plegia, in room 842."
Dr. Grumpy: "What can I do for you?"
Nurse Newbie: "Well, there was a consult written for you to see the patient 3 days ago, and we never heard back from you. I was wondering if you'd even gotten it, and when you'd be by to see him?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Um... I did the consult 3 days ago. And I've been following him daily since then."
Nurse Newbie: "Really? Because there was a family member here about 2 hours ago, who was looking through the chart, and told me he wanted to get another MRI. I don't know how he got the chart. Anyway, I called the hospitalist, and he told me to run it by you."
Dr. Grumpy: "Two hours ago? That was me! I came over and told you I wanted to do another MRI, but the computer ordering system was down when I tried to put it in."
Nurse Newbie: "That was you? Not a family member?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Yes!"
Nurse Newbie: "Doctor, you really should dress better."
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Ibee Grumpy. You guys shipped me a huge box of magazines for my lobby."
Miss Print: "Let me see. Yes, you're on our list to receive 50 copies a month."
Dr. Grumpy: "I didn't order them, and I don't want them. Please take me off the list."
Miss Print: "Have you looked through our magazine?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Yes. It's 90% paid advertising, extolling the virtues of Wirth-Liss Pharmaceuticals overpriced medications."
Miss Print: "Well, Wirth-Liss Pharmaceuticals is paying for every neurologist to receive 50 free copies to share with your patients. Education is important. You can place them in your lobby."
Dr. Grumpy: "I don't want them in my lobby. I put them in the recycling. And I don't want to get anymore."
Miss Print: "You're depriving your patients of an opportunity to learn about their treatment options."
Dr. Grumpy: "I'm not going to argue with you. Either cancel my subscription, or let me talk to your supervisor."
Miss Print: "I'll cancel it. But you're really doing a disservice to your patients. They deserve better."
Monday, July 8, 2013
A colleague of mine was working for the FDA at the time, and had to sit through hours of testimony on them. He sent me this remarkable e-mail after one:
"Today we had a military doc testify. He told us that the drugs are important in military use, because they can get injured soldiers back into battle sooner.
"He finished his speech by declaring 'Soldiers need COX-2!'
"And that just doesn't sound good when spoken."
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Friday, July 5, 2013
This fan-shaped area of flattened grass wasn't there when we left yesterday morning, but it was definitely there when we got home late afternoon. It looks like a giant footprint:
Anyway, if your pet therapod has escaped somewhere in Grumpyville, I think it was in my backyard today. Hope that helps.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Mrs. Knickers: "Do you have a bathroom I can use first?"
Mary: "Sure, it's that door to your left."
Mrs. Knickers: "I need to change my underwear. You wouldn't believe the drive I had here."
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Mrs. Photic: "OH MY GOD! DID THE LIGHTS JUST FLICKER?!!!"
Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, I think so, when I turned them on. They're fluorescent."
Mrs. Photic: "THIS MEANS SOMETHING!"
Dr. Grumpy: "Everything is fine, ma'am. It only means they're on. Have a seat over there, and let me take your blood pressure.."
Mrs. Photic: "They're not going to flicker again, are they?"
Dr. Grumpy: "I don't think so, but they're old fixtures."
Mrs. Photic: "If they do, I'm leaving. For all I know you're one of them."